Greetings,
What a beatiful view of the first day of November. Beautiful autumn indeed, I just love the scent of it. Trees around are almost stripped naked, deep fog is covering every corner of the blunt lighted streets, and freezing rain drops just fall occasionaly, seems like trying to show the funeral of all nature. Yes, the most amazing time of the year. Though I`m in such a deep mess. I feel regret for every step I take further and pray to get back. In every possible situation of present life I`m making only wrong choices and commiting mistakes. My band is almost spliting up, my marks at school are worse then they were the last year, and I am torturing my beloved one so greatly, though I so hopelessly can`t see it! It seems like from the very summer ending my thinking, emotional intellect and morality just lost all it`s worth and I don`t understand what is right and what is wrong. I don`t really know what to do, I tried a lot of things to change myself, change my thinking, changing my emotions, but nothing seems to work. I tried so many things, I`m loosing hope there are anything I can do to myself to get over this. I`m in such a deep mess that I can barely understand how could it have been so perfect year before! Autumn seemed to bring absolutely refreshing winds and even without putting much effort, I was freakin` happy!
For that reason, I almost didn`t took a pencil since summer. I have really much work with my studies, because medical profile is really taking a huge toll, and this F***** up mood is killing any enthusiasm to create anything.
I apologize, hope someday I will regain my self consciousness and esteem and will take back things I am loosing at the moment. Until then, the only thing I can really do is pray.